After The Breakup

It hurts... time to get over it...
Breakups are never easy. They inevitably mean change, which for some may be easier than others. When you are in a relationship, you become content with the comfort blanket you significant other provides. For those who experience a divorce, it can often seem like “starting fresh” is nearly impossible. No matter how hard one tries, there’s no shortcut to get over the grieving process. The only way to take that first step is to embrace it. At some point or another relationships will experience hardships and to understand that breakups sometimes benefit both parties is to understand that not all “tragedies” are bad. Here are a few tips to help prepare yourself for what is to come.

Release Your Inner Anger

Anger can manifest itself into outrageous things. For some it could be transferred onto those who are closest to them. For others it can be against their past girlfriend for causing pain and hurt. Most however, tend to be angry at themselves. “What could I have done differently?” “What did I do wrong?” and “What could I have done differently?” are all questions that one asks in beginning to rationalize their breakup. The lack of control one experiences during a breakup can cause anger if not more commonly frustration.

Everyone deals with anger differently. The important aspect is to release the anger. If that means joining a gym (which benefits you in more ways than one), screaming as loud as you can, etc you MUST release that lingering anger. This does not mean you call your ex and yell at her. Transferring your anger on anyone (especially your ex) will not help. Even when appropriate (you ex cheats or hurts you) yelling will only highlight the fact that you are in the bitter stage of the break up.

Reframe your mind

It is normal to kick start your brain into thinking how you could have avoided the breakup. It is natural to attempt to make sense of the situation in order to get over the pain. It is even common to play the break up if not the whole relationship in your head until you can “see” where things went wrong. Doing this gives you something to do however it won’t get you anywhere The truth is you may never understand why this happened. The reasons she gave you may not be the actual reasons at all for why the breakup occurred so taking her words literally may not be the best thing.

Whenever you begin to think of her or any situation around her you have to force yourself to STOP and redirect your thoughts into something more productive. Take a deep breathe, notice what is going on around you and focus your energy in proactive situations instead of diving deep in thoughts that are for a lack of better words “DEAD”. There are plenty of girls out there.

I suggest you change the way your brain works. Positive thinking can be very useful. When you get into a habit of positive thinking, positive results will manifest itself in your life. The more positively you push yourself to think the easier it will be to see the positive aspects of any situation (e.g. your breakup).

Listen to Music

According to past and recent research, listening to music is one of the quickest ways to instantly change your mood. Music is very powerful in the sense that it alters parts of your brain that other things can’t. Music is what our emotions sound like so do not underestimate the power it has in getting over a relationship. Singing along will also help due to the release of endorphins.

Change Your Style

Reinvent yourself. Don’t let the breakup consume who you are. Go shopping; get a hair cut, shave, and gear up for the great nights there are to come. Preparing yourself for new women can do wonders for your psyche and it will also assist in helping you build your self-confidence again.

Side Note: Breakups can often rob our self-esteem and confidence, it is important to realize that only you can rebuild this and relying on other women, your friends, etc will result in a temporary fix that will yield bigger issues down the road when the emptiness raises to the surface. You should dictate what builds you up because you are the only person who truly knows how YOU work.

Spend time with different women

Perspective is an amazing concept. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project stated “both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men.” With that said, surround your life with women, of all types and walks of life. DO NOT talk to them about your pains. The past is the past and you must force yourself to move on.

The 3 Letter Principle

Write a letter to your ex, one to the world, and the most important one is to write one to yourself. Keep in mind NONE of these letters will be sent. The idea is to release the emotions that are inside. It doesn’t have to make sense nor be uniform (grammar doesn’t matter either). Write how you feel and explain your emotions of anger, frustration, disappointment, happiness etc

Letter to you ex: Write all the things you wish you could say to her. Say whatever you want and envision you being face to face with her.

Letter to the world: Write a letter to the universe stating all the positive and powerful things you plan on doing from this day forward.

Letter to yourself: Write this letter so that you can get out the person you will become. Write it and describe how you envision yourself being at the best point in your life.

After you are done, throw them out. Avoid reading them, as they will only highlight what you wrote and perhaps even taking what you wrote in. Throw it out and forget it, only after you do this will you see how powerful this is.

Know the Truth

We all take breakups personally. We assume that no one will understand or make us happy like our ex did. The truth is that you will not end up alone. Let me rephrase, you will not end up alone so long as YOU do not want to end up alone. DO not let your age, look, personality blind you of the rich opportunity that lies ahead. These characteristics have no direct correlation to how happy you can be. See yourself happy, visualize it and then seize it knowing that you are ultimately in control of every outcome of your life. Control the situations that you can and forget about the ones that you cannot.

Final Thoughts

Every relationship you experience will undergo a linear phase that will contain a start, middle and an end. Accept this. Even if you never breakup and you spend your entire life with someone, eventually you will see an end (death). Be inspired by this. Know the requirement you have for the next person in your life but also work on becoming a better person. You should push yourself every single day to be better. This with the combination of positive thinking will have you where you want to be very quickly.