How to Get Through Life" list (for guys [mostly])

ok here goes!!

Stage 1: Sperm

Swim like hell.

Stage 2: Pregnancy

Eat like a sonofabitch. Kick like hell and start tugging on shit like gangbusters if you hear about abortion.

Stage 3: Childbirth

Get out alive. Keep your eyes and nose closed so you don't remember what your mother's vagina looks or smells like.

Stage 4: Infant

Look cute. Eat. Shit. Repeat.

Stage 5: Toddler

Things have been pretty chill up ‘til now. Outside of the sprint towards your mother's ovaries, you've mostly been maxing and relaxing, having your every need attended to hand and foot. Unfortunately, people now expect you to start doing shit. The first thing you need to learn is to behave. This can most easily be achieved by doing whatever your mother or father tells you to do, which on a side note, tends to totally suck.

On top of that, the ‘rents are going to count on you to at some point learn to use the toilet. Daunting I know, but for the better in the long run for all of us, trust me. Also, we're getting to the point where you have to learn to walk. It kinda sucks because once you start, you'll be expected to use this newfound skill basically all of the time, for the rest of your life. Revel in your lack of responsibility by watching copious amounts of cartoons and learning to mess with your sisters,mum or any female(sure helps to understand the female mind at this stage).

Stage 6: Childhood

Learn to cope with others and continue with your finding newskills quest.

Stage 7: Adolescence

Unless you're the girl who got her boobs early or your parents are really fucking rich and you have every video game on earth, this is no doubt going to be a pretty tough time for you. Simply put, it's an awkward stage in life, what with puberty setting in and all that. One of the things you have to keep in mind during this period is that it sucks for everyone. I don't know if that really helps you, but it sure makes me feel better!

On top of this, the one-time homogenous structure of your social circle will begin to cleave off. Allegiances will be made, trysts formed, and cliques initiated. Choose your alliances carefully. You should also try and carve out a niche for yourself--jock, Goth, Da gahdaa. It doesn't even really matter what you choose because in a couple of years you'll regret it anyway. On top of this I would suggest using what little newfound freedom you have to accrue some porn to fuel your masturbation habit.

Stage 8: Teenager

Don't die.

The best way for me to sum up being a teenager is to that you're going to think you know everything, but in reality you are a fucking idiot and you know nothing. What's funny is that everyone from parents to guidance counselors to just about anyone else are going to attempt to relate this to you in a much subtler fashion over and over and over again.

You can trust me when I tell you it will fall on deaf ears, because like I said earlier, to be a teenager is to be a fucking idiot. So with that in mind, your one and only goal during this time should be to not fuck up to the point that you die or seriously debilitate yourself. Cheers!

Stage 9:OUTTA SCHOOL!!

Yay your headaches are now over...NOT!!! Now comes the part where u have to get a reputaion for yourself in the community in either a good way , cool way or a bad way..here are somepoints which i would recomend for all u out there

1. Seduce as much as possible.I mean comeon it's the prime of your youth dont waste it... Even if you're not in the mood, don't like the girl, or are too fucked up to make rational decisions, this is THE TIME to get this sort of thing out of your system, so please, for gawd's sake, have at it.

Eventually, many years from now hopefully, you're going to find a girl you love and maybe, just maybe if you're looking for "true love" or a complete fucking idiot (same thing) you will want to settle down and be with her and her alone for the rest of your life (read: insane). The last thing you want is to be stuck with one woman forEVER whitout having your fair amount of fun time,and u being her BIATCH!!!!

2.Have fun, i mean seriously this is the time of your life..have fun,dont do drugs and drive safe..

Stage 10: Adulthood

Holy. Fucking. Shit. The party is over. You thought things were rough when I told you that you had to learn to poop? This is where the going really gets tough. In essence what you have to figure out at this point is just YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. You see, they lied when they told you that you had important decisions to make about your future when you were in school. Then they lied to you again about it when you got to higher education. None of that shit matters now for the most part.

What the fuck do you want to be when you grow up? That question in itself used to contain such boundless opportunity that it was an adventure just thinking about the possibilities. The problem is, there are only a few answers you can actually give to this question, and they all suck.

On top of that, let me add that you'll now be responsible for yourself. This means two things: pay your bills and don't get arrested. If you can mange those two items, you're pretty much straight until you hit middle age.

whats next? ahh i dont know u tell me!!!!!!!

....DarkCasanova........

25 Things NOT to do....

It's a bit long but highly recomended.....

1) FIDGETY MOVEMENTS AND TIGHT SHOULDERS AND TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY OR BEING TOO BUSINESSLIKE OR "SOPHISTICATED" (not laughing or being relaxed) = very visible subconsious (or conscious) self-doubt, overcompensating through non-relaxed state, where you're prepared to deal with anything that could happen. Ever met someone who doesn't blink when you talk to them?

2) TALKING TOO FAST = worried that people will stop listening to you unless you get out something that will interest them before they leave

3) LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN JOKES = covering up that you aren't affected that others didn't laugh, and social nervousness

4) SAYING "RIGHT" OR "YOU KNOW" AFTER STATEMENTS = seeking validation that what you said was true, or saying it because others aren't

5) STANDING WITH LEGS NOT HALF A METER APART AT LEAST = worried that you'll infringe on other people's personal space

6) TALKING TOO SOFTLY OR LOUD = fear that you'll impose yourself on people and their personal space(ie: beta).. alpha males aren't afraid to project their voice.. YET, talking obviously too LOUD can also be seen as OVERCOMPENSATING. Just like guys who wear GENERIC clothes are trying to fit in, or guys who wear OUTRAGEOUS clothes are trying too hard to overcompensate. (hint: be careful with peacocking(dressing to impress), find a style that doesn't come off this way, which can be tricky but is still very doable).. Some guys don't talk, some talk too much, etc etc.. Find appropriate balance through trial and error, which is determined through social observation,

7) MOVING YOUR HANDS AROUND WHILE YOU TALK = trying to keep the attention of the group (sometimes can be cool, but most often a form of qualifying yourself)

8) LEANING IN *or* 'PECKING' = too eager to talk.. NEVER lean in no matter how loud the environment is MAKE HER LEAN IN or just leave but NEVER lean in or "peck" as its also called.

9) FACING BODY/FEET TOWARDS HER BEFORE SHE EARNED IT = trying to gain rapport with her too eagerly.

10) CHASING WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY = hoping she'll listen. If a chick moves away from you, move your bodylanguage MORE away from her, so she'll be drawn back.. don't CHASE her... WTF?!@?!?

11) NOT WITHDRAWING (backturns, etc) WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN'T TOLERATE FROM AN UGLY GIRL OR A GUY = trying too hard to pick her up

12) ANSWERING QUESTIONS TOO QUICKLY/EARLY = too much interest in the conversation

13) TURNING YOUR HEAD (OR "SNAPPING") WHEN YOU'RE ADDRESSED = too eager to be in convo.. so if your head is facing the other direction, and a girl says something to you, turn it SLOWLY to her, don't snap it out of eagerness to hear her

14) GOING BACK TO A PRIOR THREAD THAT WAS INTERUPTED AT THE FIRST CHANCE/BREAK-IN-CONVO THAT YOU GET = trying too hard to impress them.. (ie: when a thread gets broken off in the convo, and you go back to it FIRST chance you get when the other topic ends, you look like you were WAITING to get back to it.. WHY are you so eager to get back on it, unless you don't feel comfortable around the person and you need to qualify yourself to them?) WAIT until THEY say "what was that you were saying before?", and THEN go back to it.. if it doesn't happen, *DROP IT* even if it was good.

15) NOT APPEARING MORE INTO YOUR WINGMAN THEN THE CHICK = trying too hard to pick her up.. you've known your wingman longer than her.. why do you pay more attention to her than your wing???

16) TOO EAGER TO PAY ATTENTION - SAYING "what?" IF YOU CAN'T HEAR HER, PRIOR TO BEING IN RAPPORT = too much interest in what she's saying.. if she mumbles, just STACK OPENERS into an entirely DIFFERENT topic, RATHER than saying "what?" This is fucking KEY KEY KEY. If you say "what?" you'll lose her unless you're already past attraction and into rapport. If this happens, just run a new opener and change the topic. 1- you don't look too eager, 2- you look alpha for being disinterested in what she's talking about which helps anyway

17) REPLYING WITH OVERLY THOUGHT-OUT OF LOGICAL ANSWERS OR WITH OVERLY CLEAR/FORMAL PRONUNCIATION = being concerned that you won't be accepted unless you convince really well (eg. HB: why did you ask me that... RIGHT = I'm talking. (sit and stare) WRONG = because I really need to know since I've been thinking about this for a while.. the FIRST one conveys that you won't qualify yourself to her)

18) TAKING TOO MANY SENTENCES TO STATE AN IDEA THAT COULD BE STATED IN LESS SPACE = qualifying yourself. "Remember Guys, don't write what you can say, don't say what you can wink, don't wink what you can smile" TIGHT. The shorter you can explain something in, the more PROFOUND you'll appear. Why? You're not qualifying yourself. (ironically I'm massively guilty of this, due to the fact that I post when I'm really tired - see #21 to spot what was wrong with this last sentence)

19) BEING BOLD INSTEAD OF CONFIDENT = that you know that you can't pick her up, so you compensate with self-defeating actions so that the snub can be on "your terms". Saying "I'm sexy right?" or "baby I want some of that" or even just approaching when the logistics are totally unrealistic is too eager, because a CONFIDENT person wouldn't feel the NEED to say these kinds of things.. these things are symptoms of OVERCOMPENSATION for INSECURITIES.. which leads to..........

20) OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES = fear of not being accepted. Have you ever met a janitor who the first thing he says is "money is over-rated.. I would never get caught up in the corporate world" blah blah.. if they'd have just said "I'm a janitor" and LEFT IT AT THAT we wouldn't have even THOUGHT that anything was wrong with it.. but because they INSTANTLY start overcompensating, it comes off as overcompensating or qualifying. Same with if they BRING IT UP TOO EARLY. Like "hey, I'm Steve.. I'm a janitor and I love it".. They're TRYING to be cocky but it comes off as COMPENSATING. BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF. If you're BALD, don't say "would you love a bald man?" as a joke. It's not COCKY.... its BOLD. If you're bad looking, don't say "don't you think I'm sexy". Just be comfortable with yourself, and don't bring up the issue at all.

21) OVERCOMPENSATING FAILURE OR SHORTCOMINGS = fear of being judged.. if you do poorly on a presentation, or on a sarge in front of a wingman, or on a test, DO NOT SAY DUMB SHIT LIKE "I'm really tired". EVEN IF you're ACTUALLY really tired, the mere act of saying "I'm tired" comes off as QUALIFYING yourself to the person. Just don't bring it up. If you have shitty clothes on, don't say "I have nicer clothes at home." Just don't bring it up. If you meet a girl when you're dressed bad, don't say "I have the coolest clothes at home" Just don't bring it up.

22) GOING BACKWARDS IN THE PICKUP ON HER SCHEDULE = too eager to lay her.. if you've already GONE THROUGH the whole "let's ballbust(sayin funny shit about each other) and shit test eachother" attraction phase of the pickup, and you're now in RAPPORT -> if she tries to ballbust you at this point then just WITHDRAW ATTENTION. DO NOT BALLBUST BACK. It seems COUNTER INTUITIVE, but once you've gone through that whole little attract phase, and you're now being nice to eachother in rapport, DO NOT let her rewind the sarge(interaction,pickup,"bitun kaairee jehsun",etc" by answering her ballbusting with ballbusts of your own. Just withdraw attention, to show that you're not interested in going BACKWARDS in a sarge.(holy shit....i cant explain all this..try using a dictonary people..)

23) WAITING FOR HER IF SHE LEAVES FOR ANY REASON (LIKE SAYS "I'M GOING TO THE WASHROOM, WAIT HERE) = too eager and into the convo.. if she goes to the washroom, make sure you're into another set by the time she gets back.

24) OVERLY REMEMBERING DETAILS ABOUT PAST CONVOS = convo means too much to you, because the person has unusual value to you (ie: a hot chick). Of course, I'm not advocating to be a total dick, but the general rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't have remembered a not so attractive chick or a GUY saying it, then don't remember the hot chick saying it. If some random dude said it and you would have remembered, then FINE. If you were in an unusually intimate convo that's also fine. But otherwise FAKE forgetting, even if she's a model and you remember every word. Even forget her name. If you see a random chick from your class or work, but you never talked to her, OPEN LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HER. Don't give into the temptation to say "we work together". Just open like a random chick, and maybe if you get snubbed then pull out that card to save face, but only as a LAST RESORT.

25) OFFERING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF TOO *EARLY* = Being mysterious helps... hehe thats all for this one...

ahh whew..this is too much ..even for me.... i know some terms which i used are un familier... if u have trouble understanding do comment about it...
......DarkCasanova......

The GirlFriend Test!!!!!!

"To be my girlfriend (or lover) is a prestigious and exclusive thing. There's a test."

Curiosity being what it is, she will want to take the test. There are three multiple-choice questions. Take out a pen and write the correct answers on paper and place in her palm.

1. Which do you enjoy more? A shower or a warm bath?
2. What is the sexiest food? Whipped crème, chocolate syrup or strawberries?
3. What feels better? Kisses on your neck or nibbling on your ear?

The correct answers are bath, strawberries and kisses on the neck.

If she gets the last question wrong: "I can't be with you if you really believe this (nibble ear) feels better than this (kiss neck)."

If she gets it right: "I'm glad you like this (nibble or kiss). It is so much better than this (kiss or nibble)."

Whether she gets them right may or may not matter to you. I usually don't care but I have been known to walk away from a hot girl when she got a question wrong. She will also respect you for putting the interaction at risk. You are further demonstrating you are not just accepting any girl.

Willingness to walk away..makes u the prize and damn attractive to women.

PS:u guys can also use and make this test to your own likings.. :)

Have fun!!
.......DarkCasanova.....

Art of Listening....

How would you like to be better with conversations and have friends and girls enjoy talking with you more?

How many times does someone tell you their name and a second later you forget it?

How many times does someone tell you something then shortly after they have to tell you the same thing?

Well you've heard it time and time again: Listen!

You may think you are listening to them and holding on a good conversation but odds are you really aren't processing what the person is saying unless you ACTIVELY LISTEN AND PROCESS what they are saying.

It is so rare that people do this that when you actually do it, it makes a difference and people can tell.

99.9% of the time we are thinking about what WE are going to say, rather than what the other person is saying.

One of the biggest things I've learned that has led to my success socially is that people love talking about things they are passionate about or have a view on. This could be a favorite sports team, a hobby, a current event, or any number of things.

After enough practice actively listening you will be able to easily identify topics that you should cherry-pick and will be able to easily thread conversations.

Even the shyest person opens up when they are talking about something they enjoy. From then on, YOU'RE IN!

Whether you actively listen when talking to friends, girls, or new people you meet, people will enjoy talking to you and having someone actually listen and be interested in what they are saying.