How to Get Through Life" list (for guys [mostly])

ok here goes!!

Stage 1: Sperm

Swim like hell.

Stage 2: Pregnancy

Eat like a sonofabitch. Kick like hell and start tugging on shit like gangbusters if you hear about abortion.

Stage 3: Childbirth

Get out alive. Keep your eyes and nose closed so you don't remember what your mother's vagina looks or smells like.

Stage 4: Infant

Look cute. Eat. Shit. Repeat.

Stage 5: Toddler

Things have been pretty chill up ‘til now. Outside of the sprint towards your mother's ovaries, you've mostly been maxing and relaxing, having your every need attended to hand and foot. Unfortunately, people now expect you to start doing shit. The first thing you need to learn is to behave. This can most easily be achieved by doing whatever your mother or father tells you to do, which on a side note, tends to totally suck.

On top of that, the ‘rents are going to count on you to at some point learn to use the toilet. Daunting I know, but for the better in the long run for all of us, trust me. Also, we're getting to the point where you have to learn to walk. It kinda sucks because once you start, you'll be expected to use this newfound skill basically all of the time, for the rest of your life. Revel in your lack of responsibility by watching copious amounts of cartoons and learning to mess with your sisters,mum or any female(sure helps to understand the female mind at this stage).

Stage 6: Childhood

Learn to cope with others and continue with your finding newskills quest.

Stage 7: Adolescence

Unless you're the girl who got her boobs early or your parents are really fucking rich and you have every video game on earth, this is no doubt going to be a pretty tough time for you. Simply put, it's an awkward stage in life, what with puberty setting in and all that. One of the things you have to keep in mind during this period is that it sucks for everyone. I don't know if that really helps you, but it sure makes me feel better!

On top of this, the one-time homogenous structure of your social circle will begin to cleave off. Allegiances will be made, trysts formed, and cliques initiated. Choose your alliances carefully. You should also try and carve out a niche for yourself--jock, Goth, Da gahdaa. It doesn't even really matter what you choose because in a couple of years you'll regret it anyway. On top of this I would suggest using what little newfound freedom you have to accrue some porn to fuel your masturbation habit.

Stage 8: Teenager

Don't die.

The best way for me to sum up being a teenager is to that you're going to think you know everything, but in reality you are a fucking idiot and you know nothing. What's funny is that everyone from parents to guidance counselors to just about anyone else are going to attempt to relate this to you in a much subtler fashion over and over and over again.

You can trust me when I tell you it will fall on deaf ears, because like I said earlier, to be a teenager is to be a fucking idiot. So with that in mind, your one and only goal during this time should be to not fuck up to the point that you die or seriously debilitate yourself. Cheers!

Stage 9:OUTTA SCHOOL!!

Yay your headaches are now over...NOT!!! Now comes the part where u have to get a reputaion for yourself in the community in either a good way , cool way or a bad way..here are somepoints which i would recomend for all u out there

1. Seduce as much as possible.I mean comeon it's the prime of your youth dont waste it... Even if you're not in the mood, don't like the girl, or are too fucked up to make rational decisions, this is THE TIME to get this sort of thing out of your system, so please, for gawd's sake, have at it.

Eventually, many years from now hopefully, you're going to find a girl you love and maybe, just maybe if you're looking for "true love" or a complete fucking idiot (same thing) you will want to settle down and be with her and her alone for the rest of your life (read: insane). The last thing you want is to be stuck with one woman forEVER whitout having your fair amount of fun time,and u being her BIATCH!!!!

2.Have fun, i mean seriously this is the time of your life..have fun,dont do drugs and drive safe..

Stage 10: Adulthood

Holy. Fucking. Shit. The party is over. You thought things were rough when I told you that you had to learn to poop? This is where the going really gets tough. In essence what you have to figure out at this point is just YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. You see, they lied when they told you that you had important decisions to make about your future when you were in school. Then they lied to you again about it when you got to higher education. None of that shit matters now for the most part.

What the fuck do you want to be when you grow up? That question in itself used to contain such boundless opportunity that it was an adventure just thinking about the possibilities. The problem is, there are only a few answers you can actually give to this question, and they all suck.

On top of that, let me add that you'll now be responsible for yourself. This means two things: pay your bills and don't get arrested. If you can mange those two items, you're pretty much straight until you hit middle age.

whats next? ahh i dont know u tell me!!!!!!!

....DarkCasanova........