Rules for the Girlfriend

Here are some things that guys wished every girl knew. I did not write this and I wish i could remember where I found it. If you can think of more rules that your girlfriend should have put it down.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.

6. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

10. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

11. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

12. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

13. Check your oil.

14. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

15. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

16. No, it does not matter which quiz.

17. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

18. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

21. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

24. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

25. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

26. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses.

27. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

28. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

29. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

30. If it itches, it will be scratched.

31. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

32. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

33. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

34. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

35. when we ask stuff puleez give staight answers.... reallyy it wont hurt us..

36.what the hell is doily?