SEX application from. :P

Behold, the Sexual Resume! It would be similar to a normal job application except you would be hooked up to a polygraph while you filled it out so you would have to tell the truth, unlike regular ones (74 words per minute, my ass). It might look a little somethin' like this...

Last name: _______________

First name: __________
Cell number: (___) ___-_____

Are you of age 18 or older? Y / N (circle one)

Have you ever had sex with me before? Y / N (circle one); if Yes, when? __/__/__

Have you ever had sex with anyone related to me before? Y / N (circle one); if Yes, when? __/__/__

Have you ever been diagnosed with a Sexually Transmitted Disease? Y / N (circle one); the existence of a diagnosed STD will not constitute an automatic disqualification from this encounter.

Please list your last three sexual encounters, starting with the most recent: _______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________

Number of total partners: With opposite sex: _____; With same sex: _____

Previous partners' approximate orgasm rate: ___ %

Average duration of sexual encounters: ___ minute(s)

Do you expect me to go downtown? Y / N (circle one)

Can I expect you to go downtown? Y / N (circle one)

Do you: Spit / Swallow (circle one)

What position(s) are you applying for? _____________________

Please list any special skills/techniques you think make you a good candidate for this encounter: ____________________________________

Do you have a reliable source of transportation? Y / N (circle one)

Are you available on holidays? Y / N (circle one)

Males: Length: _____ inches

Females: Boobies: ___ A / B / C / D / DD (circle one)
Implants / Natural (circle one)

Would you prefer cuddling afterwards? Y / N (circle one)

Would you prefer to spend the night? Y / N (circle one)

Would you consider future encounters? Y / N (circle one)



I, _______________, hereby consent to engaging in sexual intercourse with ___________ and understand that the act will be mutual. I also understand that this encounter will be confidental unless stated otherwise in writing by both parties.

_________________________
Signature

_____________
Today's Date

Fill them forms out and Start enjoying people!!!
...........DarkCasanova.........

Why looks matters

Even Stewie looks good... with work

Game and confidence are the two most important factors that come into play... but looks do matter, and they matter a lot.

Now I'm not talking natural looks, because when you really think about it... in what way does your god-given looks tell something about who you are?

They DON'T! They were given to you for free, regardless of if they are good or bad... you didn't do a damn thing to earn them, so they do not display your character in any way. Think about this : What if people were given a challenge by god before their birth, and your performance in this challenge directly affected how you would look once you were born. Scoring high would give you good looks, while scoring low would not. If this was the case... then natural looks would be a display of character, but the world doesn't work this way (because I just made that all up)... so natural looks in the real world do not tell women anything about what they are REALLY attracted to...

Modern society has made it easier for "male model" types to get women, but for the first million or so years of our evolution it did not work this way at all. Throughout our history men have been the only sex that would only be attracted by looks, because in reality it was all women had to offer : Better looking mother = better looking kids... bigger tits = more food for your infants, and so on. Women on the other hand, were automatically programmed to search for mates for very different reasons : Smarter man = better chance of survival, stronger man = he can work harder and protect her and the children better, higher social status man = more perks for her family in the community, etc. etc. etc.

Notice the trend there? None of the traits that women are naturally attracted to have anything to do with looks... up until maybe 100 years ago it didn't matter if a guy looked like sloth from the goonies... if he had all of the above he'd be banging the Jessica Albas(yea love her ) of his time. Now even though our modern cultures have changed in many ways, and nowadays they tend to change faster than ever... evolutionary programming like that does not go away, at least not without another million years of evolution from the point we are at right now. This means that even though TV, music, magazines and movies may disrupt the way that women are attracted to men, it can not pull the "smoke and mirrors" trick on their basic natural instincts. One modern display of this is gold digger women... in my point of view women who do this are doing nothing wrong at all, they are simply following their instinct to find the best possible provider.

Ok, enough of explaining... you should get idea by now, back to the part where I was describing what traits the cave women were looking for in a cave man. When put all together, what do those traits describe...

The man's character... in essence, what type of man he is and who he is. These are things he has earned and were not given to him... so they are displayed to others as a projecting of himself, and clearly outshine anything that is resting on the surface.

Now we come to the only flaw in this theory, and it is the fact that the new world we live in puts so much emphasis on what people look like... at in most cases judge people by it. So what is a guy with not so good natural looks going to do? He can turn his outer appearance into something more powerful than what he was born with... even more powerful than what someone who is better looking than him was born with. How?

I'm glad you asked He can utilize any and everything at his disposal to improve his appearance (lifting, nice clothes, the acne thing, trimmed and near body/facial hair, great hair style, tanned body... and the list goes on). He can do this until he is positive that he looks HIS absolute best... and by doing so he will not only turn his outer appearance into just something that attracts women because it looks good, but he will also be turning his outer appearance into one of those "cave man" traits that I described earlier... because now it is not just something that was given to him, it is something that he earned... and has become a part of his character. Now THAT is attractive.

....DarkCasanova....

The Sex Warm Up

........Love and Sex........

You guys have heard the old saying that women are like ovens, and you have to warm them up. And I've found that HOW you warm them up is 99% of the battle.

Once the kissing starts, always leave her wanting more. Pull away mid-kiss and smile....Tease her like crazy...Kiss her neck, blow on it, and pull away. Reach behind above her neck, pull her hair back, and bite it lightly...Drive her nuts!

Now, (assuming you have her in your room by now), THROW her back against the bed, and jump on top of her! Start off with soft kisses... Then slowly start to go crazy with animal lust! Pulling, kissing, sucking, breathing, etc. Keep this up for a few minutes (she'll be going nuts by now!), and then...

Sloooowwwwww down. Way down. And switch completely into loving caressing mode. Give her nice soft kisses, stroke her hair, look in her eyes, give compliments, kiss her cheeks, neck, shoulders, put her arms around you...

Keep this up for a few minutes.

And then...

Switch back into crazy ANIMAL FRENZY MODE!

This time you mean in! Grab her arms and hold them above her head with one hand while you kiss her passionately. Bite her neck (not to hard, psycho), pull her hair with BOTH hands while your kissing her, breathe hot and heavy on her neck...

She will probably be flooding her jeans by now!

And just when she least expects it, switch back into soft caressing mode. Sit up and have her straddle you while your on your knees. Look deep in her eyes, keep this up for a few...And then...

It's time for my favorite move of all!

Push her back down on the bed...Resume the ANIMALISTIC kissing, then, PICK HER UP so you are both standing up next to the bed, put one hand behind her head and grab her hair, and put your other hand around her waist. What you are doing is creating a cushion here, because now you are going to...

Slam her up against the wall!

Well, not exactly. Your arms are the only thing that will hit the wall, but it makes a loud sound! (Hint: If any part of her hits the wall, your doing something wrong, AND you're a dumbass! Do this one with care, guys...It's all for the effect).

Keep up the animalistic urges. By this time clothes should be coming off. And she should be more turned on then she has ever been in her ENTIRE LIFE!

Toss her back onto the bed, and if she's not tearing your clothes off, or tearing through your drawers looking for a condom, just keep it up this on/off hard/soft process. She will be soon!

Remember, every girl's fantasy is to be RAVAGED by a sexual BEAST like yourself...But not many guys have the balls to actually do it!

This will separate you from anyone else she's ever been with, and she will have to have you right then and there!

Sometimes this process takes 20 minutes, and sometimes it takes 4 hours. Mix of the lengths of time you spend in each state...Don't be predictable.

Also, if she says or does anything you don't like, say, "ok, fine", and IMMEDIATELY roll over and start snoring loudly.

She will quickly change her mind!

Ok, boys, that's it! Grow some balls and try this out!!

....DarkCasanova....